Letter To The Umpire At 2nd Base

Please get your effing head out of whatever is so bloody fascinating about your OWN HANDS and BACK INTO THE GODDAMNED GAME. Sorry. I think that's the first time I have used such strong language in my blog. EVER. But you, Mr. Clueless Second Base Officiant, have had your head everywhere BUT the game (emphasis on "butt"), especially when it comes into your neighborhood. So pull yourself together and pretend like you're impartial. Try HARD not to count that big postgame payoff, and how that steak at Morton's will taste that will help you celebrate it. There are children here who still believe in the purity of the fun of a game played by the rules JUST BECAUSE. You have just become the Bogeyman.