Help Is In (ON) the Bag

Can you imagine the dinner conversation?

"Oh, what a delicious and moist turkey. YOU are a wizard. I *never* time it right. Tell me, what's your secret?"

"I just shop at (store name X). They put all the instructions I need on the outside of the plastic shopping bag they pack my groceries in. Who needs a cook book or Butterball's hotline? I think Martha's days are numbered, too, don't you?"

Good grief. It is long past time for me to carry my own bags to the grocery store. I could have been spared this exasperation.

I am a little afraid for the people who think roasting a turkey is quite as simple as this. I mean, what if they don't think to thaw it, or know how very long thawing takes! It would be a disappointing dinner at the least, disastrously unhealthy on the other end of the spectrum. Yikes!